It is clearly established, thanks to different worldwide investigations in diverse areas of knowledge, that socio-emotional abilities do play an unprecedented role in our lives. This ability is the one that allows us to have a healthy identity, an adequate management of emotions, and a good use of self-control tools, plus feelings of empathy and a great desire to relate to others in a generous, unconditional and empathetic way.
In order to develop the subject, it is necessary to define:
personality, temperament, and character.
In order to develop the subject, it is necessary to define personality, temperament, and character. We will start by saying that personality is made up of one’s own temperament and character. Within the definitions of personality, the one that will be adopted for this blog is the one of W. Allport: “Personality is the dynamic organization, within the individual, of the psychophysical systems that determines his characteristic behavior and thought.” Or simply, my particular way of being “me” in the world around me.
Next, we have the temperament. This component of the personality is composed of the most stable and predominant affective characteristics… ”. It is also the biological predisposition of our personality, how each one was born, “it is what helps to build the personality”. You are born with it. The temperament CANNOT BE CHANGED, IT IS INHERITED.
And finally, there is the character which is given by “the most habitual or persistent behavior patterns and for them the predominant influence of the environment is admitted”, or in other words, is what we learned in the environment and culture, such as the WAY of expressing our feelings. . The character makes up the personality, it is something cultural that each individual has, it is an outstanding characteristic that makes us unique. The character IS FORMED, IT IS SHAPED, IT CAN BE CHANGED.
Therefore, the question would be: If it is true that the WAY of expressing our feelings can be changed, then, could we either learn and/or improve our socio-emotional skills? The answer is YES, and one of the tools that I have found most viable is Cognitive Behavior Therapy. I allows us to focus on “unlearning unwanted reactions and learning new and more positive ways of acting” in the face of our daily realities, adding to it ensures that this new learning lasts for forever.
Exercise 1.
THOUGHTS’ MANAGEMENT
Start by acknowledging that there is a thought and let it go immediately, then come back and focus on what you were doing. This very simple exercise trains the brain to ignore the thoughts that are not desirable: the more attention you give a thought, the more it remains in your brain.
Hover to reveal
Tap to reveal
1.
“I am so stupid, I am always working more than the rest.”
INNADECUATE REACTION
This thought brings a sense of abuse, of inferiority.
ADECUATE REACTION
Internal dialogue:“I heard you, you can go now, and I am going to continue with this project since I’m learning a lot.”
The less attention you give to negative thoughts, the faster the mind learns that they will be constantly ignored.
2.
“I’m going to get fired from this job too.”
INNADECUATE REACTION
Bringing back negative experiences does not help your stability, or your sense of security and belonging.
ADECUATE REACTION
Internal dialogue: ” I heard you, now let’s continue since this new day is another opportunity to be healthier.”
The less attention you give them, the faster the mind learns that they will be constantly ignored
3.
“I am eating like a pig, and with the way I look now , I can’t even think about a diet, too late for me.”
INNADECUATE REACTION
Not only is this thought physically disqualifying yourself, but closing any possibility of change.
ADECUATE REACTION
Internal dialogue: ” I heard you, now let’s continue since this new day is another opportunity to be healthier.”
The less attention you give them, the faster the mind learns that they will be constantly ignored
4.
“Another lie, everybody lies to me”.
INNADECUATE REACTION
This thought generates distrust, fear and incapacity to create new relationships, or sustain the ones you have.
ADECUATE REACTION
Internal dialogue: “I heard you, now I continue giving myself the opportunity to interact with everyone and hear them without judging.”
The less attention you give them, the faster the mind learns that they will be constantly ignored
Ejercicio 2.
“THE ABC MODEL”
Recuerde qué pensamiento y sentimiento están estrechamente relacionados. Por lo tanto, un evento activador o situación, despierta una creencia y esta a su vez genera un sentimiento.
Hover to reveal
Tap to reveal
Internal dialogue:
“How boring it is to be with all these people that I don’t know, and on top of that how unpleasant they look.”
The thought arises from past experiences where you have not given yourself the opportunity to meet others and accept your fears, and it has always failed because your feelings and thoughts were in negative and anxious mode and therefore you projected yourself as a negative rude person.
INNADECUATE REACTION
Feelings of anxiety and uncertainty do now allow you to flow in new situations.
ADECUATE REACTION
Internal dialogue: “It is ok to be a little bit nervous. Also everybody has something wonderful, and today I am happy to give myself the opportunity to meet AT LEAST ONE OF THEM.”
You do not set very high goals, and in doing so ,you allow yourself to start at your pace without bringing past experiences or feelings.
As well as the exercises that I have just shared with you, there are many more exercises that can be very useful. You will find them in Cognitive Behavior Therapy books. I also recommend this page http://www.dr-jane-bolton.com/support-files/finding-anxiety-triggers .pdf.
Finally, do as Eckhart Tolle says: “Pay attention to the present; pay attention to your behavior, your reactions, bad moods, thoughts, emotions, fears and desires as they occur in the present … You cannot find yourself going into the past”, you and I can change!!!!!
Alicia Donovan
